I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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