So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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