I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
