Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
