Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
