when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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