I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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