I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
