I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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