Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
