i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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