i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
