And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
