you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
