part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
