cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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