I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
