We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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