What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
