My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
