She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
