i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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