I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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