Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm getting married
To pizza
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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