When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
