just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Floor bacon is actually really good
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
