4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
