This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
