It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
