I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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