Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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