Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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