cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
