I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
