He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
