if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
