Please, let me fuck your mom
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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