Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
