does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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