It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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