I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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