I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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