The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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