Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
