Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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