So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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