great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
