please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Randomize
