You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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