garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
