Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
